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What Should You Not Do During Separation?

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8 Things You Should Not Do During Separation

When disagreements or arguments occur that are deeply and emotionally damaging to your marriage, sometimes the best thing for all parties is a temporary (or permanent) separation. When you come to an agreement pause or stop your relationship that does not necessarily mean marriage separation. That is the good news, but things have the potential to get ugly if you don’t take the separation process seriously and fail to properly follow the dos and dont’s of marital separation. This article will go over everything you must avoid when it comes to a trial separation and the 8 key mistakes to avoid.

Related Article: Signs Your Husband Is Cheating Online

FIRST, LET’S LOOK AT WHAT YOU NEED TO DO:

The best marriage separation advice we can give is to first speak with a lawyer and then speak with a marriage counselor. Having time to reflect on the marriage and getting support through marriage counseling is important, but once the conversation shifts to a place where a husband and wife need to be physically separate, maintaining the status quo is not an option. Especially, if the trial separation doesn’t go well and things eventually move to the divorce process. Working with an attorney and marriage counselor is critical to making sure that everyone involved is respecting boundaries and working toward a common goal.

The next thing is to change your perception to be as positive as you can be. Not only is this best for your own mental state, but getting emotional and acting impulsively can also be harmful to you if the situation eventually ends in a divorce and family court. Therefore, you need to take the separation process very seriously and not react emotionally, especially when the conversation is about marriage separation, division of property, or spousal infidelity.

1. Don’t Impulsively Leave Your Home

One of “The 10 Stupidest Mistakes Men Make When Facing Divorce,” according to Cordell & Cordell co-founder Joe Cordell, is getting upset and impulsively moving out of the marital home. The reason the men’s divorce attorney says this is because the chances of spending equal time with your children substantially decrease if you leave the house, and you potentially risk losing some of your precious possessions if things move forward to divorce settlements. 

Cordell states that it is likely you will be viewed by the judge as the parent who gave up on the union. Most husbands foolishly believe that allowing their wives to stay with the children would be beneficial to their case, but the court is unlikely to share that opinion if the topic of property division comes up in the future. By departing your home, you provide your wife a clear opportunity to paint you as a disinterested husband who abandoned his family.

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2. Don’t Stop Your Partner From Seeing The Kids

Separation is difficult for both parents and children. Unfortunately, children will often blame themselves for their parents’ marital separation. Whether you have filed for legal separation, are divorced, or are legally married and still trying to make things work, the best thing you can do is give your ex-partner permission to spend quality time with the kids if they are with you. You should never prevent your partner from spending time with the kids unless they are a risk to harm them.

3. Don’t Rush Into A Relationship With A New Person

It’s important to move forward in life but waiting to enter a new relationship if you and your ex just ended your partnership is simply good etiquette. First of all, rushing into a new relationship might not be a smart choice given it is very likely there could be some emotional baggage given the recent legal separation. Allow yourself time to recover mentally and heal. Additionally, this gesture shows respect for both yourself and your ex-partner. Spend time with your children or on anything important that will aid in your entire recovery. While the majority of courts are not concerned with post-separation relationships, they will be if your children are introduced to a new person you are dating so quickly after divorce settlements. Talk to your ex-partner about everything and try to be civil, respectful, and honest. And don’t bother trying to hide your new partner from your ex because they’ll find out through the kids anyhow. 

4. Don’t Publicize The Separation On Social Media

During any breakup, it is best practice to refrain from publicizing the situation on Facebook, Instagram, or any other social media places to convince friends and family that you are right and your partner is wrong. That is likely not the reason the marriage failed anyhow, and online gossip will only make you look bad. So try and keep things private. Families and friends will undoubtedly need to be informed about your separation on some small level but the details are not necessary. Not to mention, every social media post, picture, video, email, and text you send could be used in court as evidence if things get really nasty. 

5. Don’t Badmouth Your Ex 

Basically piggy-backing off point number 4, try to do your best to not speak poorly of your lover or ex-partner. Particularly in front of the children. This can be challenging if you caught your husband sexting or your wife cheating, but it is important to try and take the high road. Never exploit the circumstance to discredit your ex-partner in an attempt to win the kids’ confidence. By doing this, you will include them in the separation process which is not okay. Simply, engage the children in conversation, and most importantly, reassure them that everything will be fine.

6. Don’t Pay More Than You Should

Some men will agree to continue supporting their wife financially while renting an apartment during a trial separation, but if one of you subsequently files for divorce, things might go horribly wrong. One reason is that if you continue to pay for everything, the husband or wife could have little motivation to find employment. By keeping up their quality of living by paying the mortgage, electricity, insurance, groceries, etc., you’re sort of arguing for alimony on their behalf. Even if you’re just scraping by, you’ll appear to be totally capable of taking care of the other person when the focus shifts to divorce settlements. You and your partner would be better off creating a separation agreement to figure out who will pay what bills before divorcing. This includes getting a cell phone and utility bills switched to the other person’s name. Maybe even consider hiring a family mediator if there is substantial conflict. 

7. Don’t Put Off The Inevitable

Even though you should invest in every possible measure to fix our marriage, sometimes a relationship is irreversibly damaged. The best advice is to never hurry into divorce and really think about the consequences of terminating your marriage. With that being said, you do not want a separation to last for years. Many couples end up waiting for the other to file for divorce and that results in maintaining the status quo which can be unhealthy for both parties. 

8. Don’t End The Relationship With Bad Blood

Separation signifies that you’re already leaning toward a breakup. If it is clear that the end is near you should try to work out your differences with your partner. Maybe even extend sincere apologies to one another in order to end the hostility that had been building up throughout the partnership to put a peaceful and amicable end to it. When two parties can’t agree, the court and attorneys often intervene in the matter and things have the potential to get disastrous. However, the majority of us are good people who can endure the intense suffering of divorce and come out the other side as better people. 

Separation is difficult. However, your or your ex-behavior partner may complicate matters. Why not simply put a stop to it in a calm and collected manner? Even if the marriage or relationship may have ended, respect should still be shown to each other.